just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
