True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
