so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
