Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dignity is for republicans.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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