Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
