how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
