Ambien. No doubt about it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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