What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I party with great urgency now.
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