remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
