this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
