I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
