she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
