u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
