Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
