Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
