why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
