he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
