I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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