I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
