Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
