Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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