i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
