The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
