In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
