You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
