1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
