and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
