We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
