Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
