listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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