apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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