ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
