Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
