i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
