the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
