I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sext me about skeletons
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
