We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
