your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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