This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
