I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
