; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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