I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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