I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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