brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
