I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
