i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
