just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
