you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize