when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
