Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
