I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
