Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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