so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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