are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
