I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
