I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
