Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
